im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
