I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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