did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
