Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You brought string cheese to the strip club
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
