i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
