how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
