Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
