Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
