You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
