thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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