i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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