Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
