All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
