Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
