is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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