and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
