i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
