my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
