brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
