Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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