I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
