I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
