I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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