i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
