If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Hippo gnu deer
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I need to sanitize my soul.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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