She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
