This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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