I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
