is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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