so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If I had your ass I would rule the world
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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