i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
