Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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