Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
