we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
