just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's official drugs can't kill me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
