so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
