He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sext me about skeletons
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
