are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
