Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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