I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
