Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
