I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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