if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
