"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think a kid would responsible me up
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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