Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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