curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
