Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
