We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
