I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
