So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i used baking grease as lip gloss
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
