I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize