what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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