Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize