If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
