Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(503): View more from Oregon

I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves

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(214): View more from Texas

You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.

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(813): View more from Florida

yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.

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(904): View more from Florida

way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...

(1-904): View more from Florida

I saved lives by not driving this morning

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(347): View more from New York

I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1

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(248): View more from Michigan

My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Did I turn a man straight...??

(1-304): View more from West Virginia

Yes!

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