She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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