I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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