I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
