You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
