I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
