i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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