Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
