ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
