I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
