if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
