If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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