he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
