we made out on top of his cat.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
