He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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