Please, let me fuck your mom
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
