you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
