then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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