You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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