Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
