Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
