Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
